*today within the 10 minutes you are actually reading it.
Few of my blogs are anecdotal. While most writers opt to showcase their storytelling ability on their blog, I favor a much more spitfire, look how intelligent I am, 'don't you feel stupid' kind of approach. However I have been advised and feel it absolutely necessary to share a story from the past week that will not only entertain you, but cause you serious distress about my mental and emotional stability.
As you and everyone who has ever met me may or may not know, I have a serious girl crush. Okay, let me take that back. I have a SERIES of girl crushes really. One has taken center stage as of late, but she is certainly not the first.
Top Five Meredith Mullins Girl Crushes of ALL TIME
5. Mrs. Stoner. This doesn't mean a lot to people who did not go to Lago Vista HS, and sounds almost made up, but a)any teacher who I would create in a drug-monikered fantasy would be named Mrs. Boones Farm, and b)anyone who did go to Lago Vista HS, yeah, she was um...hot. Just hearing the word factorial now...mmhmm.
4. Britney Spears, when she was hot, was really freaking hot, so she deserves an honorable mention. However, this spot goes to Salma Hayek playing Frida Kahlo and absolutely then and only then. Because frankly, she is a shitty actress, but when she played one of my communist, artistic soulmates it made her a million times hotter.
3. Last Summer, Anais Nin became my literary girl-crush of all time, especially considering she was a Piscean writer torn by constant indecision and narcissism. I read her journals and realized this is much of what my journals would look like if I had a journal and were a better writer. When this girl crush reached it's terrifying peak, however, was when I found out that Anais Nin was played in a the movie "Henry and June" by that tiny little woman from Pulp Fiction who was probably my first detectable girl crush EVER. The movie is absolutely terrible, but it secured Anais Nin and Maria de Madeiros a spot in the "Top Five Meredith Mullins Girl Crushes of ALL TIME" blog list. For reference: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2768997888/tt0099762
2. Gwen Stefani. It got to the point that I was attempting intricate drawings of her face. Granted this was high school. And I was sort of Ally Sheedy-esque in HS, spending most of my time reading and writing in my journal. And...drawing pictures of Gwen Stefani. Really, I have no excuse.
and...
well...
1. Maddow. Duh.
So hearing she was in town, I naturally went barhopping too um...find her. And drink. And the combination of trying to find her and excessive drinking had disastrous results. But I am getting ahead of myself.
I set out to find Maddow on Friday. After a hard day of reporting on the Katrinaversary, I figure Maddow the mixologist would be kicking back in the French quarter with a nice cocktail among friendly company. Granted, the only lesbian bar in the city that I know of, Ruby Fruit Jungle, doesn't exactly seem like her scene, but I figured maybe she would just like to make a gesture of unity with the NOLA dykes. No, I wasn't that hopeful. But after being at an adjacent bar and having a lesbian get my hopes sky high by saying she "heard" Maddow would be there and then me actually letting the word vomit of "I am not asking you this because you are an obvious lesbian" exit my mouth, I was ready to be rejuvenated by that goofy laugh and Elvis haircut I have come to love. But I waited and waited. And drank and drank. And she didn't come. And when somebody got word that that was who I was looking for, she said, "Is that Maddow?" and as my eyes darted in the direction she pointed, I started to tear up at the prospect of actually witnessing her visage. However, it was a ruse. And I realized that was probably the last drink I was allowed, and my roomate agreed, and I got to wake up to his naked penis staring at me from MY BED he was in with his man-friend, as I had crashed on the couch.
So for those keeping score:
Evil lesbian: 1.
Meredith: 0.
Friday, September 3, 2010
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