Monday, June 21, 2010

When you find yourself watching the Muppet Babies theme song...

Can that shape machine cook me up a middle finger?
It may be time to blog. Just maybe.

I feel that fans of my incredible and exciting theatrical body (of work...that is) should probably boycott my blog, simply because it is single-handedly, at this moment, delaying the possibility of me ever finishing (or really getting a respectable start) on my latest play. However, there are so few of you I feel it hardly appropriate to alienate anyone, so forget everything I just said.

A world of stupid and ludicrous has fallen upon world news and national politics, so I don't even really know where to begin. This is gonna be a long one, folks. Since the possibility for hatred is so endless, I will just start with a love letter, and then move comfortably into abject rage.

Dear Rachel Maddow,

...swoon.

Thank you. Thank you for being a voice of steady, tempered reason in the midst of a clamoring of reactionary, reprehensible (and another words that start with re-) voices. It is odd, but refreshing, to watch somebody I so consistently agree with who so consistently challenges me. Thank you for being unapologetic about your sexuality, but still wildly successful, proving that it (indeed) can be done. Thank you for not taking shit, ripping people's arguments apart, but never for a second being anything but classy and cordial. Thank you for openly hating Coldplay. Mostly, thank you for being someone I can watch in the national news spotlight and have their words resonate with me. It is such a simple thing that hasn't ever happened to me. Thank you, dearest Rachel, for keeping your hair so short and wearing pant-suits. This makes it much easier for me to imagine our wedding day.

Love,
The Incomparable Miss Mullins


Ah, I feel so much better.

However, without Rachel Maddow I might never have heard of the terrifying rise of the new right, and might be all the less terrified because of it. Here is my girlfriend speaking about the rise of this terrifying party:


also this is old, but just hilarious:

What the hell is going on? My main problem with the Tea Party is not so much that it is against the president's policies, or against government spending, or even that it fails to distinguish between social programs and communism. My problem, to be fair, is that I honestly doubt that the Tea Party exists for any of those reasons.

When Obama was elected, one of my Republican friends remarked to me, "He is going to get assassinated. People are just too racist." "That's ridiculous," I responded, "and it sounds like you are the one who is racist." (I do not really have the class of Rachel Maddow.) However, I think my friend was more correct than I could have ever foreseen. When I see these protesters, these back-woods looking, buck-toothed protesters shouting untrue information about "Obama-care," I feel that Obama's biggest contribution to date is showing us who we really are, and it isn't pretty. It is in fact probably the most horrifying realization of the last decade: America is not ready for a black president. If you don't believe me, look at this lovely little video displaying some of the most acerbic criticism (if you could ever call it that; more appropriate would be defamation.) If you are attention deficit like I, you can really just skip to the last image to get the full picture in one second, or just look at it here.

This is racism, folks. Pure and simple. Jokes about lynching are not funny, and it is becoming clearer and clearer that it really isn't a joke. My problem with these tactics is three fold.

1) If this were actually a legitimate campaign, they would make perfunctory effort to get their facts straight. They are basing their movement on the Boston Tea-Party, the famed anti-tax rally. However 95% of Americans have received a tax cut under Obama. No, really. They don't want excessive spending or excessive taxes. Well, guess what Economics 101 class: tax-cuts cost MONEY. I feel this is unequivocal proof that this is merely a political tactic to get Obama out of the White House because, like 10% of people polled in Pennsylvania in 2007, they are just not ready for a black president. When will you be ready, Pennsylvania? Five years? Ten years? When will watching our president sit their entitled black-ass on Air Force one be okay with you? There is something sickening and wrong about some "monkey" as he has been characterized, or "witch doctor" controlling their country. They warn us against Obama's evil plan to put us all into white slavery. Because, yes, I just can't sleep at night with that extremely legitimate prospect hanging over my head.

2) If anything remotely comparable to this had been staged under the Bush Administration, the talk-pundits would be calling for allegations of treason. Okay, maybe that sign isn't treason, but it is certainly sedition. Let's look at the definition to see how it measures up:

Sedition is any act, writing, speech, etc.,directed unlawfully against state authority, the government, or constitution, or calculated to bring it into contempt or to inciteothers to hostility, ill will or disaffection.


Hmm...that sounds EXACTLY like what is going on. A picture of Obama being hanged scribbled with delight? But because this government is now ruled by the Democrats, no Republican pundit would dare to question the legitimacy or legality of such comments; instead, they support them! All we heard for eight years was how goddamn un-American we were if we just didn't want to suck George W. Bush's dick all day long, and now, people actually attempting to incite violence against the president and Democratic congressman is just downright cool with them! It is stunning what we are witnessing. But it is also FASCINATING how far it has been able to take them. Youtube Sharon Angle, or Tom Tancredo. Look at what they are saying. Exercising "Second Amendment liberties" is how she proposes to handle the Democrats and their excessive spending. Meaning...what exactly? How will guns help us solve this...exactly? Or Tom Tancredo. Advocating literacy tests for voters, because it is those gosh-darn blacks and Mexicans getting all uppity and voting this liberal black-Muslim into office. Yes, in a poll last year, 57% of Republicans said they believed Obama to be a Muslim. (I guess the "Hussein" in his name confused them.) If we get rid of those damn minorities, we get back the country! Woohoo!

3. I think because Obama is black, and this makes people so damn uncomfortable, he is not being given half the chance to do anything for the country since he hasn't turned a massive acquired deficit into liquid gold flowing down our nations waterways. Give him some time, people! We gave Bush 8 years to fuck everything up. I am probably one of the biggest liberal-minded critics of Obama I know, however expressing frustration is different than throwing up my hands after a year and a half and screaming "IMPEACHMENT". We accepted everything Bush did so blindly, because he looked and sounded like a president to us. He had a national crisis to lean on, and not supporting him made you un-American. That gave him free reign to do whatever the fuck he wanted, which unsurprisingly, was to pad some pocketbooks in Washington and get in better with the Saudis. Whatever, that's over (kind-of). But in a year and a half Bush stuck us squarely in the middle of two horrifically violent wars, spent taxpayers money like it was his "Super Sweet Sixteen," and we were still singing his praises. Hypocrisy, anyone?

In other news, I enjoyed Toy Story 3.

In other news, I know I am dead sexy, obvi. Natch. But what do you think I am going to do, driving men of St. Bernard Parish, when you honk at me or tell me to "shake that shit"? I have to walk 15 minutes from the bus stop to work everyday, and I have never been more harassed in my life. I don't think it is funny, cute, or flattering. I think it is gross. So since all of you are probably avid bloggers who troll blogspot for women you have harassed, I am issuing an order to cease and desist. If you actually think I am going to jump in your car, take of my shirt, and suck your dick because you managed to move your McDonald's accentuated arm from the steering wheel ALL THE WAY to the horn without collapsing from heart failure, then I admire your optimism, but no thank you. But really...how could anyone...morbidly obese or not...resist?

ACTUAL PHOTO OF ME IN ST BERNARD PARISH.

Drink it in.




6 comments:

  1. Firstly, I think you're trashy.

    But nextly, I'm disappointed that you characterize every 'member' of the 'tea party' as an ignorant racist. You've met my parents. They're very intelligent people, and they would sooner vote for Clarence Thomas than Obama, even though CT is clearly blacker. And I don't think for a minute that the majority of tea party partakers are racially motivated. And patience has never been an American virtue. Yes, as an arrogant and educated modern liberal, I personally believe that my parents know as much about politics as I do about wholesale plumbing supply. But at least I can admit that I'm probably wrong about that.

    Thirdly, not everyone stood idly by during the 'W' days and took his shit. How quickly you forget that our last president was by some empirical measures the least popular commander-in-chief since Buchanan (and people only hated him because he was clearly a fairy).

    And finally, I applaud you, men of St. Bernard Parish, for sexually haranguing my woman. Someone has to do it in my absence.

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  2. They aren't all racists, I just think the root of the movement comes from racism people don't want to admit. Also, I forgot to mention the Birther movement that was most certainly racist that helped, well, birth the tea-party. PS, I don't think these people know nothing, and I will admit I don't know a lot, so enough with the snark. I just think this is racially motivated, not stupidity motivated. I never said they are stupid, in fact I am fascinated by their success.

    I was referring to this point in the Bush administration when we were in 2 foreign wars and his approval rating was in the 80s and the deficit was skyrocketing.

    And if I get kidnapped by creepy men in the parish you'll miss me.

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  3. Oh, also the 8 years of dick sucking was referring to conservative media pundits, not the American people. Clarification.

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  4. I think the economic crisis catalyzed the unconscious racism of white America.

    If there is one thing MLK and Malcolm X would want us to remember it's that you can be a good person and still decide not to cross the street because of the people you see walking on the other side.

    Make no mistake: the tea party fits the model of virtually every successful violent totalitarian movement in history. Hatred of foreigners, nostalgia for an old country that must be "taken back," not advocacy of but the so-called preparation for violence (look to the Oath Keepers for but one example), a host of enemies to eradicate both at home and abroad...

    It's our fault too. It's not like Obama was worth voting for or could ever save us from economic freefall.

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  5. Dear Rachel Maddow,
    Thank you for looking enough like me to win the heart of my girlfriend. Consider this a formal invitation to do whatever you so desire with her (so long as I am there to pay witness to it). Oh yeah, and thanks for being a voice of reason on network news, for remaining so cordial during on air debates that your opponents down realize they are being ripped to shreds by the mighty fortress of your logic until the interview is over, for never talking down to your viewers, and for always staying fresh and entertaining.
    Your Doppelganger,
    Mark

    I don't have anything particularly interesting to add, other than that %30 of tea party supporterds believe that Barack Obama was born outside of the U.S. Really tea party? Really?

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